Step-Parenting - Set Good Standards

Adults need to set the standard. Modeling is an effective way of modifying some traits that may cause children problems. Instead of being quick to find fault may cause demonstrate the positive qualities they want the children to develop. For example, when a child wants things his or her way all the time, show how to resolve conflict. "You know o really like to eat lunch out Fridays, but today I'll lunch at home since grandma's coming to visit. It makes her happy to eat in our home."
Children who lack an adult role model, male or female, forfeit their opportunity to learn how to treat others. On birthdays and special occasions includes the children in buying gifts for spouse.
What better way for a young boy learns how to treat a wife in his own marriage. A wife may honor a special occasions serving her husband's favorite meal. Explain to the children why it's significant. Any positive result of such behavior examples may not be recognized in the children until years later. When they find themselves in similar situations. Than they will tend to handle their problems and relationships in the manner shown by their adult role models. Needless to say, negative behavior examples will result in negative outcomes.
A Real Family Spirit
The stepchild has not always been part of the current family situation. Not too long ago he or she was part of a traditional family, the two biological parents and living in a different household. After the divorce or death, the child become part of the single parent home, learning new experiences and usually taking on additional responsibilities. When the natural parent remarried, he or she became an instant stepchild with even more changes. If the child feels uncomfortable in the new surroundings, the process of building a relationship between stepchild and stepparent will be severely handicapped.
Family spirit can be the vaccine the miracle drug that enables families to overcome the inevitable conflicts and tensions which plague them. Family spirit develops only when family members identify with each other and with family as a whole. "But he's not our dad, how can we be a family?" or, "You're not my mother and I won't listen to you." A close step-family will not happen accidentally. The parents must promote it by stressing mutual acceptance, enjoyment, support, and consideration.
Three components are essential in the development of a pleasant, warm family atmosphere: shared activities, a sense of kinship, and family values. Where families spend a considerable amount of time together on common interests they will develop a sense of bonding together. For young children, have game time for a half hour after dinner. Let family members take turns selecting their favorite game, with a different game each evening. Family meal times which stress mutual sharing of experiences and enjoyment are also important. And include all family members in decisions which pertain to the whole family, such as vacations, major purchases, or weekend trips.